13 posts from March 2008

Friday!
     FISH went to the Coffee Beanery, then Putt-Putt. I made a fool out of myself, crying because of a friend that's struggling with bipolar disorder. I couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't told anyone, or if I had, I hadn't told them how serious it was. But it just overflowed and I couldn't be the strong one anymore.

    I have a very tender heart and when people around me hurt, I channel their pain. If you've ever heard the song "Scars" by Papa Roach, that's exactly how I feel sometimes. Especially the times that I've tried to be there for people that didn't want me to be there for them for whatever reason.
    "You're drowning in the water and I offered you my hand, I left my heart open but you didn't understand..." "And my weakness is that I care too much..."
    Anyway, it's funny how whenever a friend cries around me, I don't think any less of them and I'm like, "It's fine, you needed to do that." I am not much of a crier but the few times I've done that around other people I've felt humiliated.
    Otherwise, the night was fun. I got a neon green plastic samurai sword with tickets at Putt-Putt. ^_^ It's the little things...     I went to Fort Worth with Erica to take pictures at the butterfly exhibit they were having at the botanical gardens. They had over 10,000 butterflies there. Awesome, awesome stuff. Really humid, but awesome.
    Butterflies are pretty dang hard to photograph, but I did get a few nice shots. This one is my favorite.
A little girl was checking out a Blue Morpho. As they say on Cute Overload, C.O.X.C.U.! (Close-up)
Is that not the most beautiful shade of blue you've ever seen? I had to set my camera mode to "Sports" (action mode, takes a series of photographs in a matter of seconds) to capture this, because this butterfly doesn't flutter its wings a whole lot after landing.
    This one is an Atlas Moth, which is enormous. The wingspan must have been about a foot long.
     Laugh if you will, but if this monster came after me, I'd scream bloody murder. Just look closer at the body...
     The antennae are kinda cool - they look like feathers - and the colors may be kinda pretty, but still...bugs frighten me and if this thing were fluttering around the porch light, I would run away into the night, finally collapsing in an exhausted heap somewhere in Palo Pinto county, where I would fall into a greatly pained slumber, filled with nightmares concerning this monstrous moth. It is incredible, yet terrifying.
    We also took some time to have some fun with the statues outside. Laura-Rose called me and really needed someone to talk to, so Erica and I also took turns consoling her.
Sunday!
    Matt came to church with me, then we went to Billy and Josie's place, where Matt and Billy schooled me on Halo some more. I still suck, but not as much as I did.
    It's a small world.
    During lunchtime, I sat in the Student Center cafeteria, with my laptop. A girl asked if I'd mind her sitting at the same table so she could plug in her laptop as well. She said her name was Emily. We started talking as we each surfed the Web. Then eventually, Laura showed up.
    "I didn't know you two knew each other!"
    Turns out that Emily and Laura are in the same class. Emily even had some notes lying on the table that Laura had written for her.
    Anyway, I made a new friend and realized what a small world it was.

How old were you when you had your first "official" boyfriend or girlfriend? What was he/she like?

21! LOL. (Of course, it's just been in the past year or two that I've gotten over my outright fear of the male gender...)
I have mentioned Matt before, right? (Considering my first entry upon restarting my blog was, "The ninja is alive!"

    But in case I haven't or you've forgotten, this is Matt. He is the classic geek (computers, video games, obscure cultural references, etc.) and I find that to be absolutely freaking adorable. I like his Buddy Holly glasses and how he adjusts them whenever I compliment him on something. I like how his nose is just a tiny bit crooked because it got hit by a basketball years ago. I like how when he gets riled up about something he starts doing all these exaggerated hand motions. I like how he slugs down coffee all the time (it makes him smell pretty good, too...hugging him is like walking into a coffee shop...)
    But most of all, the guy has a very big heart. Even when we're playing Halo and he's killing me every ten seconds, I still know that on the inside he's a total sweetheart.
    I think I met Matt for the first time when I was having lunch in the college cafeteria with Zeke and Laura S. almost 2 years ago. Zeke and Matt were talking about video games. Big surprise!
    Now, he and I only said a few words to each other at that time, so I didn't know him well at all. But I have a tendency to be a very good judge of character and honestly, I knew something was different about the boy. He just seemed to be a very genuine, very nice guy. I remember thinking, "Wouldn't it be weird if I ended up dating him?" It was really strange, because while I am admittedly semi-emo, I don't look at every male as a potential boyfriend. I dismissed the thought as just being one of those random things that crosses your mind every now and then, like, "What if robots ruled Australia?" or "What if I'm the only real person on Earth and God is only a user playing a gigantic game of Sims?" or "What would be different if I were wearing a sombrero right now?" Okay, so not everyone has those kind of random thoughts, but I do, and it's a safe bet that Matthew does, too.
    Then I saw him once or twice before Thanksgiving of that year, when I had my 2nd annual "Family for a Day" hooha and Zeke brought him. We had to wait forever to get into Luby's, so the three of us had awhile to talk. Matt mentioned a video game called, "Secret of Mana," and my ears perked.
    "Did you mention, 'Secret of Mana'?"
    He had.
    OMGtehr0x0rz x infinity.
    One of my best friends as a child had a game called Secret of Mana for her SNES. I was never able to find the game anywhere else (this was pre-eBay, etc.) so I was pretty much obsessed with it whenever I went over to her house. My friend got mad at me a few times because I wouldn't stop playing it. When she got a PlayStation, her parents made her get rid of the Super Nintendo and all her games. I saved my allowance to buy it, but her parents wanted to be turds and sell it to GameStop instead.
    Anyway, I also found out that day that Matt had been homeschooled. So we had a few new things to talk about. As I sat there with my mom, Ms. Hagler, Zeke and Matt, the thought came to me again...he just seems like a really good guy.
    He began to come with Zeke to the FISHie nights, then coming even when Zeke didn't. Over the next year, I got to know him more and more and like him more and more. We were both pretty shy during the first one-on-one conversations we had with each other. Then we realized we were both weird and that we both liked that. In May, my grandmother died. For some reason, I thought about him a lot while I was in Florida that next week for the funeral. Not too long after I got back, I went to Panera Bread to meet a friend of mine, Joseph, and ran into Matthew. He told me that his grandmother had just died. We sympathized over coffee and lemonade, he drinking the former and me taking the latter.
    Before he left, I told him he could call me if he needed to talk. I had, after all, gone through the same thing recently. He hugged me for a minute, then we both went our separate ways.
    And as I drove off, it was official. I liked him.
    So yada yada yada, we hung out with friends about once a week...then yada yada yada, we started hanging out one-on-one more often...I liked him more and more...
    My parents asked me if I was interested in Matt after we'd had lunch together one day and I finally told them. Then I told Melissa right before she visited that summer. Erica was the next to find out, then Zeke, then Laura-Rose.
    "I noticed that he always called you when he wasn't sure where we were all meeting," she told me.
    Everyone told me to go ahead and tell him. To say I was scared, though, was a gross understatement. If he didn't feel anything back, it would royally screw things up in my group of friends.
    On February 5th, 2008, I got the nerve to tell him. It was an immensely awkward moment and I was so scared that I remember shaking slightly, but I saw him smile and he said he'd been thinking basically the same thing. Our first official date was on Valentine's Day and yup...that pretty much brings us up to the present.
    He's one in a million...and one of my best friends.

What do you think is too serious to joke around about?

Death.
    I have a lot of compassion for people suffering with a loss. No matter what the circumstances are surrounding the death, we need to be sympathetic.

What do you bring most to a friendship?

Loyalty.
    Once you're my friend, you are always my friend unless you begin to treat me badly. Even then, it usually takes several times of my getting hurt to cross you off my friends list. And even then, if you are sorry for what you did then we can probably be friends again. We could go for years without talking and you could call me up and you'd be back on my best friends list.
    And whether you are right or whether you are wrong, I will stand by you.

    Well, I made it through my first week back at college after Spring Break. Didn't do too well or study too hard, but I made it through. After Speech class, I listened to Caleb, Hannah and Julie practice their music for CSM, had a short conversation with Sierra (I saw a commercial with a girl in it that looks just like her, I must post it soon), talked to Laura-Rose on the phone and called Erica to see if she wanted to go on a photo shoot but didn't get an answer.

    I was walking back to my truck, going across the campus lawn, and the grass looked inviting, so I sat down and drew in my sketchbook for about half an hour. I also did some generous wiggling of my toes in the cool grass. I stopped at the Hurst library on the way home and checked out 3 CDs (2 White Stripes, 1 Modest Mouse) and Robot Building for Dummies.
    On the drive home, I dreamed up a ton of robots I wanted to build someday. Some of them are probably not possible or if they were, would take the income of Bill Gates to build, but I can daydream. I have a fascination and simultaneous fear of robots. I like machines and often even think of them as "cute," yet I also have a very real fear of them someday realizing they could use their advantages over the feeble human race to enslave us and make us into their slaves.
    It sounds crazy, but that's how fears often are. In fact, that's one reason I am always kind to electronics. ;-D Perhaps they'll spare me when their day of reckoning comes.
    Now that I've made myself sound like a total nut, I'll bring this entry to a close.

Show us your favorite flower.

Show us who you would want as a guest if you were a talk show host.

Show us something you're allergic to.

Cottonwood. And lucky me, there's some trees full of it down the street.

Why do you think it is some people don't get along with you?

I think that pretty much the only way someone wouldn't get along with me is if...

1. They are unwilling to accept me as I am and want to tell me what to think or do or say or believe.
   
2. They like to debate or argue...or they are very opinionated and enjoy shoving said opinions down my throat.
   

    I don't want to tell people what to think and I like to have the same respect shown to me. If you can provide that, I'm pretty sure we'll get along fabulously.

What talent do you have that you wish more people would recognize?

Amez - Put Your Records On

As a singer, I've been told I'm "brilliant." SpringFest is coming up and if they have a Karaoke booth up again, I'm singing Corinne Bailey Rae. Not many people know that I sing, so it is fun to see their faces when I do. A few times I've heard, "I knew you were physically able to sing, but I didn't know you could SING!" I've sang and played the keyboard in several groups, none that really went anywhere, though. I've always wanted to be a musician, but because of my mathematic dyslexia (dyscalculia) that makes it difficult for me to read music (it uses the same region of your brain as doing math), I don't know if that's going to play out. I still plan on doing a demo sometime when I get enough money, or at least doing a CD for my family and friends. My boyfriend wants to start a band and asked me to sing with them. Maybe we'll get somewhere, at least locally...? I think it'd also be awesome to be in a girl rocker band like The Donnas or The Faders.